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[threeisapattern]

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[guarddogged]

( what's that thing The Kids™ say: )

new phone who dis

[threeisapattern]

idk. never met you or your creepy uncle.

[guarddogged]

and definitely never made an illicit copy of the key to the loft, i can only assume.

( as if the whole damn pack doesn't somehow have free rein on the place. )

[threeisapattern]

I have no idea what you're talking about. the doorman lets me in.

[guarddogged]

( ah yes, the doorman that definitely exists. he'd make a joke about hallucinating, but. well. )

at this point i think i'd honestly be worried if you hadn't swiped a copy of everyone's keys.
which says a lot about the state of my life.

[threeisapattern]

you could say I'm the keymaster

[guarddogged]

i wouldn't, though.

[threeisapattern]

but you could.

[guarddogged]

there is no keymaster.
only Zuul.

( don't say he never does anything for you. )

[threeisapattern]

ohhhh my god

[guarddogged]

no, this is Derek.

[threeisapattern]

🖕🖕🖕

[guarddogged]

👌

( waits for the read receipt. then: )

you just lost The Game.

[threeisapattern]

the only winning move is not to play

[guarddogged]

in sports we call that a "forfeit".
it's shorthand for "preemptively conceded loss".

[threeisapattern]

and in reasonable person land, we call that a stupid game that you can literally only lose.

[guarddogged]

sometimes that's an important lesson to learn.

[threeisapattern]

uh yeah

so is not playing sometimes

also I'm like a professional benchwarmer soooo

[guarddogged]

who once single-handedly turned the tide of the game, despite all expectations to the contrary.
realism is a useful perspective, but there's something to be said for looking certain defeat in the eye and telling it to go fuck itself.

[threeisapattern]

uh yeah and then I got kidnapped by an old dude to piss off Scott and he didn't even look for me so you see how great that went for me

[guarddogged]

that was ultimately my fault.

( the whole situation had been; Derek had learned the lesson far too late. )

have you guys ever really talked about it?

[threeisapattern]

I prefer to repress

[guarddogged]

and how's that working out for you.

( says the professionally-repressed guy who lives in a functionally abandoned loft. and hangs out with teenagers. )

[threeisapattern]

just great, thanks.

[guarddogged]

convincing.